[AtsuMina] Reason

“After this, I doubt we still can meet…”


“Oh come on, don’t say that.”


“This is the last.”


“No. Please. Not that again.” Minami started sobbing.


I pulled her into deep hug. I buried my face into her neck and felt her scent.


“I will come to your place, I promise.”Minami stated.


“Un…” I nodded as if I understood something, something that I shouldn’t have to expect too much.


Ohayou…” I blinked many times so that I can see clearly. I tried to get up, but all my bodies felt hurt especially my head. I felt a bit dizzy.

“Here, drink it.” She gave me a glass of water. “…you’ll feel better.”

I took it and drank it in silent. I left it only a half and gave the glass to her.

“I’m sorry for last night. I troubled you and Yuko, I guess.”

“Don’t worry Acchan. You were sure so emotional yesterday.” She chuckled.

“Were I that scary? That was the worst of me I think.” I facepalmed.  “Hurm… My eyes hurt.”

“You cried so hard yesterday after getting wasted.”

There was silence between us.

“I don’t know if you have some problems until you decided to drink so that you can express what you felt.”

I just smiled and tried to look okay in front of her.

JENG…JENG…JENG… My phone was ringing. I tried to reach it on the bed side table and it was my manager who called.


“Acchan, I’m calling to tell you that Bunshun busted you last night.”

Suddenly I recalled what happened last night. There was time when I realized that some reporters were there, and also it made me crying that night.

Without giving any response to my manager, I just shut both of my eyes and took deep breath.

“The worst part is when Sato carried you back home.”

Sato? Takeru? Oh my god. I forgot this one. He was there when I held private party with Yuko and Gon last night.

“There are also some parts of articles saying you were at goukon party with Oshima and Nakagawa and also there is a part where you get dumped by Sato so that you cried so hard. Now people started talking about that ohimesama dakku.”

“Oh no….” I felt my head really hurt now. “I feel sorry for Sato. He shouldn’t get all of these.”

“Yeah I know Acchan. We are discussing what you should do next after the Bunshun articles wrote about you. I’ll call you later.” PIP.

I put down my phone and suddenly I got blank.

“Are you alright?” Gon asked. She seemed so worry.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry Gon I dragged you to this.”

“Don’t mind. I bet that articles only wrote their own version.” She smiled.

“Where’s Yuko?”

“She left so early this morning. She might have heard about this at work.”

“Takeru shouldn’t get all of this. I remembered last night when he tried to carry me back home, I was struggling. I kept asking him to put me down, I shouted like crazy girl and started struggling.” I shook my head and felt really regretful. “I wonder how fans will react after hearing this news.”

“I hope everyone keeps calm, and I think you should start explaining everything.”

“They are still discussing about it. I should apologize to Takeru.”

At the same time my phone rang. It was message from Takeru, what a coincidence.

I’m sure you have heard

About Bunshun. I heard

It just now. I’m sorry

I caused you trouble

Last night. Are you

Okay now?


I replied to it,

I’m okay now.

I’m sorry you got

Involved in. Its me

Who caused you

Trouble. Sorry Takeru…


“Acchan…” Gon suddenly called me. “…I would prepare for your breakfast. I will call you when its done.”

“Ah, thanks.” Gon smiled and left the room.

I started thinking that I caused many troubles for everyone. I didn’t know what to do last night. I just want to let it out, I felt betrayed, I felt hurt, inside me I was crying so hard, I cried in silent. I thought by drinking, I could feel more relieved but I didn’t know it caused troubles to everyone.



“Eh? You’re back already?” Yuko approached me and seemed so worried.

I slowly rose my face and smiled in front of Yuko.

“You didn’t meet her?” Asked Yuko once again.

“Well, I know we couldn’t meet. I know it, I know I shouldn’t expect too much.”

Yuko just looked at me and slowly walked toward me. She gave me her warm hug and patted my head. After some minutes she broke the hug.

“Let’s go to karaoke!”

“Sounds fun!”

“Wait, I will call Harugon.”

We then arrived at the karaoke place. The three of us were singing and they tried to cheer me up. I couldn’t help but laugh seeing Yuko doing some stupid things in order to make me laugh. Once I looked at my phone, nothing I received. It convinced me that I should stop hoping. I shouldn’t expect it too much. Its nothing I should wait, its nothing I should hope, coz I know it never got replied.

I decided to order tequila for three of us. I need drink, that was all I thought. I couldn’t find a way how to express this complicated feeling I had inside me. After some shots, I excused myself to restroom. Suddenly I bumped into someone.

I was surprised meeting Takeru at this place.

“Acchan? Hey!”

“Oh, hi. Alone?” I asked.

“I’m with my friends.”

“How about we reserve one room for us? To make it fun, how?”

“Good idea. Okay, I’ll tell the others.”

“I’ll tell them too, but when I am back from restroom.”

After that we had so much fun, until I got wasted because I took many shots of tequila. When I opened my eyes, I was in my room already.


“Acchan? Acchan?” I came back to real world and Gon already there giving me a cup of tea.  “What are you thinking?” she asked and only a small smile appeared on her face. We were in dining room.

“Ah, nothing. Hehe…”

My phone was ringing. “Chotto ne…” I picked it up.

“Acchan, it’s me…”

“Hi, Takeru.”

“Can we meet?”


“Okay, I’ll tell you where we’ll meet later. See you there at 2.”

“Wakatta…” PIP

“Wow… are you two dating???” Gon started the topic.

“Eh? Me and Takeru?” I let a smile out from my mouth “…of course not. We are just friends.”

“Hum…” Gon looked at me with teasing look. “…well last night Takeru-kun couldn’t stop looking at you. I wonder if he really likes you.”

I just shook my head. How could I believe such a thing?

I just hope what Gon told me just now was only a joke at all. Takeru was such a nice buddy, he’s cool, I think he has that ideal type of man. Every girl might fall for him, I probably would too, but with this condition, I didn’t think so. I don’t know for how long I can wait for this one sided feeling I have. I don’t mind if it never got replied, at least its only me who got hurt, it’s okay. But I don’t want to hurt anyone if Takeru really likes me as what Gon told me earlier. He didn’t deserve it.

Gon didn’t know that I had feeling for Minami. These times I only shared it with Yuko whom I trust the most. Yuko understood as she kept supporting me. She always told me not to give up with my feeling and I had to tell her properly about this. Well, I did once but I didn’t get any convincing response, yet. Almost gave up with this feeling since she kept avoiding me when I planned to tell her about it. I have been rejected by her for many times indirectly but Yuko told me to keep trying as there weren’t any words of rejection coming from Minami’s mouth.


I couldn’t stop laughing whenever Minami cried for me. I mean, she looked so cute. During rehearsal, shows, Minami still cried for me. Honestly I didn’t like to make her crying like that, but I didn’t have any choices. When the time of my graduation felt closer, my affection to her was stronger than ever, for example I didn’t want to be apart from her, I wanted to pull her closer and hugged her, stroked her hair tenderly, and the last I wanted to kiss her. When I hugged her, she cried even harder, that made her cuter.

During my last performance at theater, the way she delivered her message to me made me realize this feeling grew stronger again. At least for the last time, I wanted to show her my affection, and for the last time I wanted it to reach her. I didn’t mind if she made me wait any longer. I wanted her to tell me what she felt, although it would hurt me but as long as she made everything clear, it wasn’t a problem.

Since I couldn’t hold it anymore, my body moved by its own and I tried to kiss her. Well as expected, she resisted. She didn’t resist when I hugged her, but when it came to a kiss, I don’t know but I felt that she rejected me. Other members even did the same to each other, whether they were only joking, or they might be sure of it, nobody knew since everybody would think that was just only a playful kiss. Maybe Minami was just shy.

I ran out of idea how I should tell her about my feeling again. I am not good at expressing words.

After show, there was time when I and Minami were alone. We were at backstage. Actually I came from her back as I saw Minami from afar so I decided to approach her. I could hear she was sobbing and wiping her tears many times. I smiled as I walked closer and I hugged her from back. Minami was surprised but she couldn’t do much as she let me hug her. I buried my head on her shoulder and once I kissed her neck. She didn’t say a thing.



“It’s over.”

“You did very well today.”

Pause between us.

“Can you give me an answer now?”


“You know it right? I told you.”

She remained silent, “Minami… Does it really bother you? If I gave you much burdens by asking it, I am sorry. I just want to know, that’s all. If it bothers you, just forget it okay? I’m sorry…”

Slowly I pulled myself away from her, but Minami stopped me by holding back my hands.

“Atsuko…” she turned her body around and now we were facing each other. “Atsuko, I like you but I think we need to talk about it at other places not here. It’s too private.”

I showed her my smile as I nodded.

I held her hand, “You know I’m happy when you finally think about me. Finally after long time I waited, you would give me an answer. Thank you for not hanging this feeling up.”

Minami just smiled.

My fingers got intertwined in her hands. Slowly I pulled her body closer, until our faces were close each other. I leaned down, targeting her lips. I doubted at first, I was afraid Minami would reject me again. But surprisingly, she didn’t move at all.

DEG. My heart beat so fast… I never got this close to her in this kind of situation, a bit shocking though.

When I looked onto her eyes, I thought I better stop. Her body might not move, but I could tell from her eyes, she looked a bit anxious. Somehow I understood her condition, then I immediately changed it into a hug. I pulled her into deep embracement. I just hope it wouldn’t be the last for us.

Ah, that ‘like’ wasn’t the first she said to me. Her eyes told hesitation when she said that. I need her to convince me, I don’t like her, I really love her.


Until now, Minami didn’t say anything to me. After Shin Domoto Kyoudai’s recording, Minami just cried and we hugged each other for many times. She still didn’t say anything about my confession. I even said, “Last day” to remind her that she owed me that conversation. Is she going to hang this feeling again?!

“I’m sorry for making this trouble!” I bowed down to the person who sat in front of me.

“Ah, it’s okay Acchan. It’s okay. Have a seat..”

I placed my jacket and my bag beside me and sat across Takeru.

“I caused many troubles for you.”

“No, it’s okay.” Takeru kept staring at me and once he showed me his warm smile. “I hope this news won’t affect your condition. It’s just gossip, okay? After all we are not in relationship.”

I nodded.

“…or,” Takeru continued, “…we can make the gossip becomes true story.”

I widen my eyes, what?

“Am I not good?”

“Wait… what are you talking about?”

“I have feeling for you, Acchan. When we starred in Q10, I have already had this feeling. It doesn’t change until today.”

What I’m afraid of its happening at this second. When I have my own problem, another one comes right after.

“Take…ru? What is this joke? Tehe..” I laughed nervously and looked onto his eyes. Takeru just kept staring at me with no expression. DEG. So it’s true. What Harugon told me was true. I only saw Takeru as my best friend, not more. I didn’t think he would fall for me.

“Humpfh!” Takeru surprised me as he covered his mouth with his right hand.

“Are you laughing?!” My voice got higher.

“Ouch…haha…ouch…my stomach. Acchan, I’m just joking!” He continued laughing.

I pouted. I almost felt guilty for Takeru. But somehow I felt a bit relieved.

We just did some conversations relating to previous article on Bunshun. His agency already made statement that we were not in relationship. I also got email from my manager that they would make statement also later, and I myself should make statement during my live event in the future.

After breaking the meeting with Takeru, I walked down in the city alone. I got many email’s from members, they cheered me up and said everything would be just fine. Akip also emailed me, thank you guys.

Minami didn’t send anything. What happened? Duh I didn’t understand. It’s really frustrating!! Waiting for her email felt like forever! Didn’t she know I really missed her! Why its always me who said it first? I always text her I miss her, she would just say, “Miss you too,” in return, end. Why? Is it only me who felt it? Seriously I’m tired of this mixed feeling. I just want to forget it, but why is it so difficult? Minami always leaves a hope for me. I wonder what ‘like’ she told me.

There was also a time where my email got ignored. I kept waiting since she told me we were going to talk about it later. Now I’m sure I’m forgotten.

After long time thinking about it, I just spent time to walk around city. Then my phone was ringing. Lazily I took it out from my bag, I saw Minami’s name on the monitor. MINAMI?!

Quickly I picked it up,

“Yes?” I said.

“Ah, Atsuko… It’s been a while.”

“Yeah been a while.” A small smile form on my face.

“Can we meet now?” she asked.


“Okay, let’s meet at usual cafe. See you there…”

End. Immediately I went to that café.

“Sorry to keep you waiting…” Minami just came and sat in front me. The café was a bit quiet. It felt so comfortable.

“Hum..” I shook my head.

“I heard that Bunshun news. Are you okay?” she asked and she looked worried.

“I’m fine. It’s okay.”

“Are you and Takeru dating?”

“Eh? No. We’re only friends.”

“Mm….” Minami paused for a while. “I’m sorry.” Finally she spoke.

“Sorry….for what, Minami?” My heart beat faster.

“Did I make you sad? Please answer me honestly.”

“Eh? Sad? What do you mean?”

“I looked your photos on Bunshun. You looked so sad, you really cried hard that time. I…wonder if it was because of me.” She looked at me.


Okay, she was right. I cried for her.

“Minami, I just went too emotion at that time. Haha I think some wasted people usually became like that.”

“Sato Takeru called me…She got my number from Yuko.”



“Sorry to ask you to come here…” Takeru said to Minami who just came at cake shop.

“What do you want to tell me?” Minami sat in front of him.

“It’s about Acchan. You must have heard about that Bunshun.”

“Yeah, just now. I’m going to call her later. Thank you for taking care of her, Sato-san.”

“You know…. I like Acchan.”

Minami didn’t show any expression.

“But…I couldn’t say it to her because she also falls for someone else. I’m going to tell you, when I took her home in the taxi, she kept crying and calling your name. Because of that, I realized that she falls for you.”

“Did she?”

“Yes. She said, she missed you, and something like please don’t hang this feeling. Acchan needs answer I think.”

Minami remained silent.

“I don’t know what you feel toward her, but can you give her an answer? I can’t see she cried like that. If you are not going to tell her, do you mind if I’m going to steal her from you?”


“I’m sorry Atsuko, it was because of me.”

“Ugh, Takeru what just he said.” I facepalmed.

“Anyway, I want to tell you everything now.”

I looked at her and this heart won’t stop beating. I just hope it’s going to be like what I expected.

“I’m sorry I can’t be with you.” Minami bowed with her head almost touched the table.

I lost my words. I couldn’t say anything.

Minami slowly rose her head, “Atsuko, gomen…”

“I…it’s okay.” I tried to smile but failed.

“I can’t leave Tomochin. I don’t know what I feel toward her but I know that I don’t want to leave her. And I…see you like my own sister. You’re like my own sister, Atsuko… I like you….as my sister.”

“Oh… hehe…. Yeah, I should have noticed it before.” Damn tears don’t drop, please don’t!

So it’s Tomochin. I remembered when we had quarrel before, actually that was because of I got jealous of her. She is always being Minami’s priority, but I don’t know that Minami would fall for her. I’m so stupid for not recognizing it.

“I felt guilty to make you fall for me, to hang your feeling up, and I act like giving hope for you, I’m really sorry. I don’t mean it.”

I shook my head.

“I’m just looking for right time to tell you this, but I’m afraid I would hurt you. That’s why I keep silent these times. I also got hurt by this action. The night when we were supposed to meet, I had to accompany Tomochin.”

Minami held my hand. “Atsuko I’m sorry…”

“No, Minami. Thank you for making everything clear. Thank you….”

“Takeru is nice guy.” Minami added.

I nodded. Finally tears rolled down and touched my lips. Minami gently wiped it out.

“Minami….we’are still best friends, right?” I said.

“Un! Always. Forever and ever.” Minami smiled. She got up and approached me. Suddenly Minami hugged me so tight. She sobbed next to my ear. I could feel her body was trembling with my hands.

“Minami….” I called her name as I hugged her back. I don’t know how long I can forget you. Finally you gave me an answer although my heart was in pain, but it’s better than I kept my feeling for such an unclear situation.

“Tomochin is my best friend. You better treat her well.” I said as I chuckled. Minami nodded in reply.

Now everything is clear. Having you by my side would just be a dream forever.



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