After Atsuko announced her graduation at the concert, I couldn’t sleep well. Everytime I thought about her. I really didn’t want her to leave, no… I mean, I really wanted her to stay and be beside me always, and reach our dreams together, but I know I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t ask her to stay though she had her own dreams to be achieved. Now Atsuko was surely understand what she really wanted to do.
When Atsuko talked about this to me last year, I was little bit surprised. Not a little, okay.. I was surprised. I couldn’t believe she would leave me where I really really wanted to step forward with AKB48 at this time. I thought we could do that together, together we brought AKB48 to the spectacular stage, stood on the stage together and felt the awesomeness of fans chant. I guessed we couldn’t do that anymore after Tokyo Dome Concert this year.
After concert, many members were hugging her and sobbing on her shoulder. Atsuko kept hugging the members, half laughing and half crying. Once she tried to wipe her tears away and wished it wouldn’t fall anymore, but it became much since Team A surrounded her and cried in front of her. Shiichan hugged her so tight and Aamin did too. I just kept looking at her from a far, felt the much paint myself and kept my eager to hug her away. I really wanted to hug that person right now. SKE48 and NMB48’s members one by one also surrounded her. One of NMB’s members, Jo Eriko cried so much. I didn’t know that she is Atsuko’s fans. I thought that she really looked up at Atsuko at these times and tried to be like her. Now the only one person she admired was going to graduate soon, and that must be the hardest time for Jo.
It’s time for me to give some words to all members as usual. Akip was also there and giving plenty words about concert and Atsuko’s graduation. After dismissing, I walked to Atsuko and she was with Yuko.
“I can’t believe you leave AKB before me.” Yuko laughed.
“I am sorry, Yuko. Hard for me to leave also…”Atsuko said. Her eyes were swollen.
“Even Mariko is still here… Hehe…. Ah…” then Yuko saw me behind Atsuko. Looked like she understood, she left us alone. I tried to smile in front of Atsuko and so did her. I couldn’t help and hugged her tight. I must not cry, that was what I told myself but I failed. I cried on her shoulder. I felt Atsuko’s body trembled. After some mins, I ended our hug and patted on her head.
“Are you alright?” I asked her. She shook her head and bit her lips in cute way.
“You will be alright Atsuko.” I smiled to her. “When you are still here, let’s do our best together. I know its hard for you to leave AKB, we were together since beginning and I know it must be so hard.” I held her hand, I wanted her to feel a bit relax.
“Minami…Thank you for always supporting me. I don’t know what happened if you’re not around.”
It didn’t even a matter at all Atsuko. Wherever you go, I will be there even later you are not in AKB48 anymore, I won’t let you go. “Ma…ma… Don’t need to say thanks.” I smiled.
“We….still can meet, right?” Atsuko asked.
“Yes of course we can. We can mail each other and promise to meet somewhere.”
Atsuko couldn’t hold her tears anymore and started to hug me. I hugged her back so tight. This person is really important.
Since that day, I felt Atsuko changed a bit. She called me, mailed me even often. She didn’t do it before, she did but not too often. Day by day I spent with Atsuko, and it made me hard to let her go. Slowly my feeling toward her grew even stronger, I wanted to be with her forever.
Today Team A did rehearsal for national tour in Fukuoka and everybody came on time. We did collaboration with AKB48 sister group in Fukuoka, HKT48. Our setlist would also be shuffled and I had duet with Atsuko to sing Temo Demo no Namida. This was the first time we had our time just the two of us on the stage. Somehow I felt so excited.
We sat in the corner and watched the Temo Demo video which I brought along. Atsuko sat beside me and looked so serious watched the video. She had not ever performed this song me either.
“Yosh, we can do this Minami…” Atsuko sounded so excited. I smiled whenever I saw her like that. As long as Atsuko was still in AKB48, I must not look so bad in front of her.
We danced together, once failed because we didn’t make the timing, but we didn’t give up. Atsuko didn’t even take any rest until she got the right dance. I couldn’t help but followed her. That was only I could do for her.
Some minutes had passed and Atsuko had already got the right dance. We took rests and sat next to each other.
“I must present my best performance to fans. I don’t want to disappoint them. I must work hard. Ne, Minami?”
“Un…” I nodded.
Atsuko’s eyes looked so serious. Before leaving AKB48, she must be doing her best and I understood. I wanted to help her as much as I could. Helping her to seize her dreams, support her and always to be by her side. Although until that day came when we got separated by place and time, I still wanted to be by her side no matter what. Maybe I couldn’t get her affection, I didn’t care. As long as I saw her smile, it was enough.
I held her hand and looked at her eyes, “I promise, this concert will be more than a success. Let’s make memorable concert…”
Atsuko showed her cute smile and slowly lied her head on my shoulder.
“Whenever I am with you, I feel everything would be okay. It feels so comfortable…” Atsuko slowly closed her eyes and she held my hand back.
We have already finished for today and some of us were going to have something to eat. I needed to go to restroom and then back to the practice room and saw Atsuko slept on the floor with her bag as the pillow. I walked slowly to her so that he wouldn’t wake up. I knelt down right beside her and looked closely to her face. It looked so exhausted and it showed how hard she practiced for this national tour’s sake. I pulled myself closer, I didn’t know what I did but I hoped she wouldn’t wake up until I could reach that small lip of hers. I know I was such a coward attacking her in the middle of sleeping but if I did it when she stayed up, she probably would hate me so much. Many things interrupted my head but it couldn’t stop me kissing the angle in front of me. Yeah, I admitted it, I fell for her seriously. Finally, I managed to kiss her lip. So soft and omg….she was so defenseless. I felt sinful kissing her in this condition, but I couldn’t help myself. I really wanted to kiss her so bad. I am sorry Atsuko. That might be my last kiss for you before you left me and AKB48. So sorry…
Today was our first national tour in Fukuoka. The concert ran smoothly and no significant problem appeared. The fans were so enthusiast and we were happy we did it great. We all went to look for something to eat. The foods were so tasty and Atsuko couldn’t stop eating. She looked so cute when eating and I loved that.
Time ran so fast and I would turn into 21 years in some hours. It was so weird, Atsuko didn’t speak to me like she did. She just said something she needed and no random talks like usual. What happened? Did I do something to her? Or…she knew that I kissed her that day and try avoiding me? Omg… I am dead. Atsuko shouldn’t know that! Now I am dead for sure! I need to make sure, but how? Should I ask her directly? Geezz she might be slapping me hard on cheek. I knew I shouldn’t kiss her at that time. Now I regretted it.
At first I thought it was a prank, but if it was, everybody should avoid me as well. The fact was nobody avoided me. Mariko-sama, Yuko, Miichan, Nyan Nyan were fine. We talked like usually we did. It was only Atsuko. It was obvious she was mad at me because of that kiss. Ugh… What should I do now? I didn’t even know how to apologize. Eventhough I really wanted to make memorable moments of ours but guess I failed. I am done for.
Mariko-sama asked me to hold a birthday party for me at her house this midnight. Everybody will attend. I agreed. I wondered if Atsuko would come. I mean, it’s my birthday… I really hoped she would be there as well.
“Happy birthday, Takamina!!!” Everybody shouted at me. I blew up the candles.
“Our midget already 21 years now!!”
Everybody shouted so crazy. Some of them gave me presents, I was happy and took it.
“Why Acchan didn’t come? It’s Takamina’s birthday after all…” Miichan said.
“Something happened?” Yuko asked me. I shook my head.
“Acchan had something to do, it was urgent. She told me this evening.” Mariko-sama added.
“How could she take her jobs as priority?” Miichan tried to call Atsuko but then I stopped her.
“It’s okay, Miichan. Maybe its really urgent. I am fine.” Miichan then put her phone back in her pocket.
Some mins ago I was already 21 years but Atsuko wasn’t here to celebrate it. I wonder if she really had urgent thing to do or she just avoided me. Too many things inside my head and I thought it would gonna blow up in a moment.
“Let’s enjoy the party guys!” Mariko-sama then gave me the knife to slice the cake.
With a force smile, I tried to act that I am okay, in fact I really broke inside.
Atsuko didn’t even call me n say happy birthday to me. I kept looking at my phone in my living room. I went back to my apartment since 30 mins ago and now I still stayed up. I couldn’t sleep at all before Atsuko call me, as if she would do it. She would never do it. She was mad at me though.
“Atsuko….what are you doing? What’s wrong with you? I don’t have any idea.” I kept talking to my phone though it won’t give me any answers I needed. Something warm rolled down my cheek, it was my tears. I was crying and holding my phone so tight. Hoping she would call me and say nothing happened.
My head was so heavy….I felt something touched my cheeks and lazily I opened both of my eyes. Yes, I felt asleep before. When my soul back to me I could see clearly. I was surprised when I saw the person I really wanted to meet was already in front of me, smiling to me. Spontaneously I stood up and half shouted her name.
“Yeey….” She formed ‘V’ with her fingers and showed her cute smile.
“Why are you here?? You can….”
“I have key…” she showed me my apartment’s key. Since when I gave it to her?!
I put my hand on top of my head, feeling so complicated. What does it mean??
“Did I surprise you?” she asked me.
“Happy birthday!” she gave a small box. I looked at that closely and tilted a bit.
“What is it?”
“A present…” she winked. I took it. I opened it slowly and I found a ring inside. I was surprised than ever! A ring?? I examined that ring so carefully.
“You don’t like it?”
“Eh?? I do like it!” Quickly I put it on my finger. Then I thought again, why should a ring? Feeling so weird. I read and watched on TV, whenever a guy wanted to propose his girlfriend, mostly he would give his girlfriend a ring. EHH?? Now my face reaction should be more than a surprise. Atsuko showed me her smile again and walked closer to me.
“I am sorry I missed your important moment. I wasn’t there when you turned into 21. I really wanted to go, but I had to hold it. I just wanted to be with you alone in your birthday, Minami.”
“Mariko told me you have urgent things to do?”
“That was just my excuse to not participate in the party. Beside I needed to find something which can make you always remember me when I wasn’t in AKB48 anymore.”
“Atsuko….” I lost some words to say.
“I found that ring and then I asked someone to write “AtsuMina” on it.”
After she said that, I examined my ring again and yeah….there was AtsuMina written on it. How sweet, Atsuko. She held my hand and looked closely onto my eyes.
“Hey…. Do you know that It’s hard for me to leave you in AKB48? I wanted to stay as well, but I had to graduate. Like I said, what happened to me when you weren’t around? I might lost on my way without you. You are like a little shine in my dark way, lead me to the right place and won’t let me out of the way. You kept giving me that light no matter what. You are my light, Minami…” she attached her forehead onto mine and she closed her eyes. DEG DEG DEG DEG. My heart beat so hard. I couldn’t believe she said that to me. Now I want to reveal everything to her. I hope she wouldn’t hate me for that. I think this is the right time for it.
“Hm?” Atsuko suddenly opened her eyes and now we are looking at each other in very close distance. My mouth is like being locked. No words were coming out. Damn it! I didn’t ever imagine our face would be this close. “What did you want to say, Minami?”
Her voice was replying in my ears. So close and her beautiful voice, omg. I am dying here.
“Ehm…I….euh….hmm….” I couldn’t even look away. Her pretty face was too precious to be denied!
Suddenly Atsuko bit her lower lips and that made my heart felt like jumping out from its place! So cute! Then Atsuko slowly moved closer to me… Oh god, don’t tell me she is going to….
Atsuko touched her lips with mine. I couldn’t say it was a kiss, she only touched it with her lips though.
My head was blowing like bomb. All my body was freezing and I couldn’t move. What is happening? My head was dizzy..
Now we back looked at each other. I couldn’t even say a word. Fail.
“That was…..another present from me.” She said. I blushed a lot.
“I felt I wanted to. Dame ka?”
“Ehh?? It’s not like that. Well…. I am surprised…”
“You are? You kissed me first….”
“When I slept in the practicing room…” she smirked. She pretended to sleep! Nice Atsuko. You got me now. I facepalmed myself.
“Cute~ Don’t worry, Minami. I enjoyed it though. I really wanted to get kissed by you….”
“Yeah… But I thought you wouldn’t do that since you were my best friend. I wanted to ask you to do that though, but I was afraid you would refuse. I hate refusal.”
“Baka….how could I refuse when you asked me to kiss you?” I poked her cheek.
“You wanted to do it as well?”
“Of course…” I smiled. How happy I was when she said that. I felt little bit relieved she also wanted the same.
Then we were in silent.
“Don’t you notice it I was being to active to you lately?”Atsuko started the conversation.
“Ah, I was wondering that also.”
“I will tell you… Knowing that I would be no longer in AKB anymore and leaving you alone, I felt little bit uncomfortable. You didn’t even know my true feeling toward you and I needed you to know. I was afraid other members would steal you from me and I tied you until you couldn’t go away. And I really hoped that wouldn’t be late.”
“It’s not late, Atsuko. We have same feeling to each other and I am happy to hear that from you. I guess you should be more honest to yourself. It’s good for you..”
Atsuko smiled again… Now she cherished my cheeks still showing that cute smile of hers. I couldn’t help but blush even more.
“Hm… that one I didn’t count as a kiss….” She smirked. Really made me doki-doki. I only could feel that only toward her. To whom I love, Atsuko Maeda.
“I love you Minami….” Those words replied inside my head. So happy hearing that from her. I could hear her voice clearly. She then pulled myself closer and she placed her lips on my lips. Kissed me with passion and of course it wasn’t a touching only like before. It was kissing. Real one. It was even hotter than our puccho’s CM when I didn’t get Atsuko as my partner. But it didn’t a matter anymore. She is in front of me now and I could feel the real kiss with her.
She wrapped her hands around my neck while me placed my hands around her waist. It counted as couple kiss, right? Yes, it did. I could feel Atsuko’s affection by how she kissed me. So daring, gentle, and soft. And yeah, I didn’t know her lips taste this good, made me addicted already. Slowly she slipped in her tongue inside and started its journey. The kiss felt so much better than the one I did while she was sleeping. It felt so alive and I could feel its sensation. Sucking, licking, and biting each other, it felt so much better. This was the best bday present for me.
Some minutes had passed and then Atsuko pulled herself, and smiled at me.
“Now I am sure I can leave you in AKB. We already tied to each other and nothing much to worry.”she said.
“But I would miss you…”
Then Atsuko kissed my lips once again… “We still can meet…”
“It must be hard since our schedule would be different.”
“Trust me, nothing to worry. One thing to remember, do not ever try to cheat on me. I won’t forgive you…”
“Hee? Shouldn’t it be you? You are famous and there must be so many guys are after you. I should be the one who must be worried.”
“I can handle them and I am such a loyal girlfriend, Minami.”smirked again. “Btw….what’s your answer?”
When she was asking me about the answer, she really looked cute. No way Atsuko. No way I could cheat on you. Like I said, you are too precious. You are my everything. Nobody could replace you, nobody.
I smiled to her, “You don’t need to ask, you already know the answer. I love you too, Atsuko.”
She looked so happy and kissed my forehead. “Promised me we would still together until world end. No matter what…”
“I promised Atsuko…”
I never break my promise to you Atsuko. If you said that, I would make that happened. If you didn’t want that to be happened, I would make that not happened. Your smile was everything to me. Even you are not in AKB anymore, you are still the ace to me, to fans. Let’s do our best although we were in different place and time, we both did have our own goals. Its not the end at all, it’s our starting point!