Unrevealed Feeling

Hey.. Just want to post my old OS here, 😀

maybe some of you have read it before somewhere…. fufufu




I practice until late at night. The event that we will have next is just in short time. Crowded schedule makes me lack of practicing. It’s so rare I meet the other members too because of my work as an actress. I sit on the corner as I seek for air and breathe heavily, I feel so hot coz I have pulled out all my energy already to catch up this practice, and now my shirt is wet coz of my sweat. I reach my mineral water and drink it until it is just the bottle left. I guess I can’t continue it again so I decide to go home and have good rest. Before that I have my shirt changed then I am ready to leave.


Shimatta. Its raining. I don’t have my umbrella with me. I think I don’t have any choice except waiting until the rain stops. If so, I might get slept here. My eyes are heavy and I am so sleepy. I sit on the nearest bench and closed my eyes. So comfortable.


I hear foot steps mix with the sound of the water. I raise my head and my eyes have seen a figure is walking closer but I can’t see it coz the umbrella covers the body. I get up from the bench as if I wait for that person to come. I can see the white skirt on that figure and her long hair, I try to guess who she is. It’s already late for a girl to walk around at this time though. When she moves the umbrella aside, I can see her face clearly.


“Minami….” I murmur to myself.


“Konbanwa….” She smiles.


“Why are you here?”


“I know you didn’t bring an umbrella, so that I come to pick you up. It’s so late, you practiced a lot huh? Don’t push yourself too hard, or you will get sick.”


“I know what I am doing.” I look away. I can hear her sigh.


“I don’t mean to give you some lectures. Okay, let’s go home. I will walk you.”


”No thanks. Don’t burden yourself.”


“Hey come on, Atsuko. I don’t. It’s raining, you may catch a cold if you stay here in whole night.” I still stand there without giving her some responds. “Okay. Make it simple, you take this umbrella, and I will follow you from behind.”


“You don’t need to do that. You….you just bring one umbrella after all.”


“I am fine.” She smiles again.


Takahashi Minami. I really don’t understand her. Why she is doing this? It’s not the first time I reject her, but almost every time. I also don’t want to owe anything from her. If I accept it, I will pay her back one day, and I don’t want that happened. But, If I take the umbrella and let her walks behind me and wet, my parents will be mad at me. Our parents are so close. Like, there is no secret between them. Minami’s parents said please take care Minami, and my parents did too. What did that suppose to be? Looks like I don’t even have another choice beside accepting her offering. She smiles when I walk closer to her. “Come on.” She covers my head with umbrella and we walk slowly.


Minami had confessed her love to me before. She said she saw me as girl, she wanted to protect me, wanted to cheer me up whenever I felt sad, wanted to be there whenever I felt alone, wanted to support me, wanted to be together with me, she loved me. I….I was shocked at that time. Minami’s face was really serious when she told me that.


“You know, you are the most important person to me, Atsuko.” Those were words that I couldn’t forget until now. I can feel her sincerity in it. It took long time to me to reply her, as I looked down without saying any words.


“Aahh, Atsuko. Relax, relax. Don’t think about it too much.” She smiled as her hand stroked my hair. “I am waiting for your answer. Don’t need to be rush, okay?” then she kept stroking my hair and smiling to me.


CRASSHH!! “Kyaaa!” I scream as a car splashes water to my shirt. Minami immediately looks to my shirt that is wet because of the water splash. She then looks at the car, but its too late to scream to it. It’s because I lost my concentration, I thought about that confession day.


“Stupid driver!! Doesn’t he know its raining? Atsuko are you alright?” she takes a look for some seconds on it then she reaches her handkerchief and cleans it. I look at her still confuse. I know I have not given her the answer yet, but can’t she understand about my action that always rejects her? She should know the answer right?! When her hand touches my skin, its so cold. Then I look at her while she is busy cleaning my shirt.


“Minami your hand is so cold.”


“Eh? Oh….” She finishes cleaning my shirt and put the handkerchief back to her bag. “Maybe It’s because I wait for you outside the theater.”


“You waited for me? Since when?”


“Since you entered the building.”


“Eh? It was about 4 hours!! Why didn’t you go inside?”


“I didn’t want to disturb you. You might lose your concentration if I was there.”


This small girl, why does she love me that much? What is special inside me btw? I don’t hate her, I just can’t be with her as more than friends. And now everything about us is going awkward, I realize it.


“Okay forget about that, Atsuko. I am fine. Now lets switch. I will be on that side, and you will be here.” She starts moving and now she is on the right side and I am on the opposite.


“Eh? Why?”


“To avoid another water splash. It might not splash you directly, it will hit me first. Hehe…” I look at her as I feel this uneasy feeling. I show her my worried face. “Don’t look at me like that. Let’s go.” She then holds my hand and I feel awkward and I look at my hand, her hand is so cold… As if she realizes something she then pulls her hand slowly.


“Ehm…ehe, sorry Atsuko….” Then I look away. “No problem.” I say. And then we start to walk again. Why why why I care her so much? And just now, what happened to me? Why I wanted her to hold my hand, why? Is it because her kind hearted?


“Atsuko, abunai!!!!” I wake from my imagination coz Minami’s voice. I realize my self will be crossing the street though the lamp is green and it’s  red for pedestrians. A light from a truck makes my sight dazzled. It starts horning and it moves closer. My feet is frozen and I can’t move. Then I closed my eyes. I think the time is coming.


Some seconds have passed and I didn’t feel hurt. I open my eyes and I am on the side walk. I get up and I get myself is on Minami’s top. She became my mattress for some seconds.


“Atsuko are you alright?” she gets up then checks my body if there is wound or not.


“Yes, I am okay. How about you?”


“Yokatta…. I am fine too. Thanks god I can pull your body right on the time.”


She saved my life. What if she didn’t pull my body? I might be dead… I still have not made my parents happy, I still have something to do too…. This small girl, I should thank her properly.


“Minami, thank you very much.” Then Minami smiles.


“No need to say it, Atsuko. I can’t imagine myself if you are not around. I prefer to die.”


The rain is making our shirts getting wet. The umbrella is broken because Minami just threw it away when she wanted to save me, and it got crashed by cars. I keep looking at Minami and she does too. Then she smiles again and says, “Aaa…. Our umbrella is broken. I think we should find a place for shelter.” I nod as I follow Minami…


The rain has stopped. We continue our way to my apartment. Here we are, already in the front of the door. I keep thinking, should I let her in? She needs to change. I unlock the door and open it. I think I should let her in yea at least to get change.


“Come in….”I say to her as I don’t see her face. She just looks at my face and stays silent. Not long, she shows me her smile, and she is shaking her head.


“No thank you. It’s already late. You should take some rests. Hmm…good night, Atsuko. Have a nice dream. See you tomorrow.” She keeps giving me her smile until the very end she leaves from there. I just can look at her back. Her small back…. It’s so tiny, but carries much responsible. One thing that I really respect her, she is good leader. She cares with other more than herself. And that great person has fallen for me that much, I don’t deserve her. She could get better person than me though. I think it would be nice if I fall for her too, but by just thinking about that makes me feel afraid. She might be the one who will suffer, who I am btw? She can give me much, but what can I give her? Nothing. Maybe burdens. I can see clearly her body is shaking because of coldness. She doesn’t wear jacket, and now she is going back with that condition. I bite my lower lip, I should chase her, right? I run inside and take my jacket. Then I chase Minami. I call her name and she turns around.


“Atsuko, why you…..”


“Here…Take this. At least it can help you to feel warmer.” I give my jacket to her. She doubts at first, take it or not. Then finally she takes it. “Arigatoo, Atsuko…” she smiles. I look away as I nod. “Well, I am leaving now. Make sure you will sleep after this. Bye bye…” then she disappears.


I go back and enter living room, I sit on the couch as thinking. Why I am so confused? Why I am not sure about my feeling to her? Why I always want her to be around? There must be something wrong with me. I close my eyes and want to feel relax. “Huuh…..” I sigh. It’s really complicated. Sometime I feel her kindness is because of our parents. She really loves her family. She would do everything that her parents told her to. Why I am so afraid if that is true? See? I think the rain has changed something on me. Should I smash my head?


“I need to take a bath….” I get up from couch and go to the bathroom.


In the next morning I leave very early, because AKB48 will have an intensive practice today. I arrive there and there are some members who have arrived.


“Oh my wife!!” Miichan approaches me and hug me so tight. “I miss you~”


“Hi Miichan, long time no see. I miss you too~”


While we are hugging each other, everybody starts gathering and making a circle. I release the hug and come to join them.


“Long time no see. How are you, Acchan?” Yuko who is standing next to me.


“Yeah long time no see. I am fine Yuko, thanks.”


“Well minna, today we will have very intensive practice for our event in Osaka… We will be on the same stage with AKB48 sister group, NMB48. I also received an email this morning, Team A captain Takahashi Minami would come late so she told me to start the practice without her. Yoshhh Minna! Ikuzo!!” Team K, Sayaka takes over Minami’s role this time but not permanently. Suddenly I am worried her. This is her first time coming late for practicing, something wrong with her? I guess I can’t concentrate on today’s practice, not until I know she is alright. We have to practice our new single, KazeFu. I dance as usual but not so enthusiast. Yesterday I succeed to catch up the dance to be better, I decided to show it here but somehow I lost my motivation. I need her here so that I can show her I have been improving a lot, but she is not here right now. It took 2 hours and time to rest. Sayaka lets the other girls to sit or have something to eat, and I head to the locker room. I reach my phone and my feeling is uneasy. One side I want to call her, but one side I don’t want to. I bite my lower lip as I look at my handphone, hoping there is a call from her. I can’t believe it she told Sayaka instead. I hear the door opened and there is Miichan.


“Aree? Acchan, what are you doing here?” she approaches me.


“I am looking for my water.” Immediately I take my water and open it, drink it.


“Uwaa may I drink it? I forgot to bring my juice.”


“Oh, ii yo…” I give it to her and she drinks it.


“Inderect kiss.” Miichan says in low tone as she smiles. “Thank you…..” she gives it back to me. I reach it and put it inside my bag again.


“Nee Acchan…..”


“What is it, Miichan?”


“You know that…….I like you.”




“I want your kiss……” she pulls out her tongue to me as I am shocked.


“Ehhh? Kiss?”


“Yes! Gimme gimme!! You know that we have already got married, you are my wife and I want a kiss from you….. Hehe….” She then chuckles.


“Etooo….” I scratch my head as I am too confused what I should do. Her order is so direct moreover she wanted a kiss. I know the kiss would be a joke or its just for fun, but somehow I don’t want to do it…..


“Come on, Acchan! Ah, masaka….You have someone you loved?” Miichan smirks.


“Eh? No…. Of course not!” I laugh and I hope I would hide my red cheeks.


“It should not be a matter, right? Kiss me!” Miichan starts forming a kiss on her lips. She closes her eyes and moves to me slowly.


Okay. It is just for fun. If I reject her, she might think about something else, I have someone I loved for example… so I decided to kiss her, I repeat again, its just for fun. No love between us. I know Miichan likes to kiss cute members, she has kissed Yuko once though. Okay, I guess it would just be alright. I close my eyes as our lips press each other. I want to end it right now so that I open both of my eyes. I can see Miichan still closes her eyes and she is smiling. What a devil kisser. I put a glance to the door and dang. I see someone is standing there, with pale expression, shocking seeing us. She then looks down and blinks for some times. Shaking her head then without any words out, she leaves. I slowly break the kiss as my eyes are still at door even though she is not there.


“Kyaaa kimochi!! Acchan your lips are so soft!!!” Miichan sounds so happy, but I don’t. I feel something stab my chest right on the center. What is it feeling? Why I am so regretful? When I saw her seeing me kissing Miichan, suddenly I felt uneasy. A feeling that I am afraid she would leave me, would not love me again after this mess I created. Miichan pulls me to come back to the practicing room as along the way she is singing Heavy Rotation, “I want you, I need you, I love you….” I guess she is so happy.


Arrive there I can see members still sit on the floor and have nice chatting. Miichan decides to join with Mariko, Kojiharu, and Yuko at the corner. I spread my sight around, want to find her. And yes, there she is. Talking with the other 2 captains, Sayaka and Yukirin. She wears my jacket I gave her yesterday. Looks nice on her. But I realize something, she is so different. I can’t tell, but she looks different. She is so pale and doesn’t look full of spirit as usual. When they finish their conversation, her eyes are on me. I widen my eyes and can’t move from there. I don’t understand it, Why I want to explain that to her. I really don’t want her to misunderstand it. She then looks away as if she wants to avoid me. I am shocked with her action, it’s the first time she does that to me. She walks away and sit near with Mayuyu and Yukirin. I sigh. Then I walk and sit across her. We are in a distance .


“Takamina, senpai!!!” I look at the door and seeing a girl is running to her. Hmm…. I do know her, she comes from NMB48 if I am not mistaken, but I forget her name. I tilt my head why NMB48 member is here.


“Oh, Milky. What are you doing here?”


“I will perform bird on the event, could you please teach me? I wanna learn from you….”


“Okay, fine.” Minami is smiling. A girl name Milky then sits beside Minami and asking so many things. I feel ache on my chest, the blood feels like boiling inside moving up to my head. I know she just wants to learn from her senior, but isn’t that too close? I mean, she sits so close to Minami. You don’t need to sit that close to her.


I widen my eyes as I can see Milky is blushing. She doesn’t listen to Minami even one word. She is busy looking at her face. Blushing randomly. Be serious you junior! I can’t take it anymore, so I decide to go out for air. Making myself comfort and let my stress out. But still, I can’t forget that scene just now. What are they doing right now? After that accident in locker room, would Minami change her feeling? I can’t calm myself down about it.


Finally today’s practice has finished. I have been asked by Miichan to go out for dinner, but I reject her. During the practice, I didn’t see Minami around, so did Milky. My negative thought was running wild again. They might be together now even more than senior n junior should do. Arrghh…. What am I thinking? I think Minami is not person like that. She is not person who can easily change her feeling, but who knows? My mind gets full by this negative thought. I can’t calm unless I know what they are doing right now.


Here I am already, in my room. My sweet room…. I lay on my bed as keep thinking about Minami and Milky. I think Milky likes her. I can see it from how she looked at her before. What if Minami likes her? It could be as she gives up on me and then there is Milky who likes her so much and  Minami replies her feeling with positive responds? Should I wonder? I think, I should. I bury my head on the pillow, hoping that is just only my imagination.


Today we will have practice again. That event is just in some days again. We have to concentrate to our practice before rehearsing in 2 days… Today Minami is not here yet. Why these days she always comes late? Is she with Milky right now? Giving a private lesson to her?? Really?


Now Sayaka takes over Minami’s role again. She makes a circle as usual…


“I got news from Akip this morning. Takamina can’t join for today as she is at home for resting. She catches flu. Let’s pray for her good health, so that she can join our rehearsal in 2 days.”


Heh? Minami is sick? How come?? Ah, right. Yesterday I realized her face was so pale… What should I do? She is sick now, I have to pay her a visit. I wonder if she has drunk medicines..


“Let’s visit Takamina tomorrow after practicing. Poor her, her parents are not home right now. I wonder if she could take it just by herself.”Miichan adds.


See? Her parents are not home. It means she is alone. I imagine she is just laying on her bed, coughing, having fever, and suffering. I guess I can’t be calm and follow the practice today. I have to make sure about her condition, so that I can relieve.


“I am sorry Sayaka. I have something to do, but I will come back again after.” I excuse my self to Sayaka.


“Oh, yeah. Go on… But make sure you will be here, Acchan…”


“I understand. Thank you.” Then I grab my bag and go to Minami’s house. Before that I go to drug store and buy some foods at combini.


I don’t ring the bell as I don’t want her to push herself to open the door, and I hope the door is unlocked, and yes! It’s opened. I go inside and head to her room.


There she is. Sleeping. She wears my jacket but its unzip. I walk slowly and puts everything on the table next to her bed. I see around, yappari there is no medicine. It is just only a glass of water. I look at her and she is sweating. I sit beside her and look at her face. I reach my handkerchief and wipe  her sweat. I guess I wake her up, she opens her eyes.


“Hm? Atsuko?” says her with low tone. She blinks for some times.


“Yes. How are you feeling?”


“Like you see. But tomorrow I will be fine.”


“Have you drunk any medicine?” she is shaking her head. “I bought some medicines…” I reach the plastic bag on the table and open it. I give her a capsule and my other hand holds water. I help her to raise her head so that she can drink the medicine. Done. She is back to lie on bed.


“Thanks, but you don’t need to trouble yourself.”


“I heard your parents are not home, and I am worried about you…”


We pause for so long. Only our breathe I can hear.


“How’s Miichan doing?” ask her. I raise one of my eyebrows.


“Why are you asking her?” she doesn’t give any answer. “You misunderstood that scene.”




“I saw you there in locker room. I guess you saw it all, right?” Minami nods. “You misunderstood. We didn’t kiss for real. You know Miichan likes to kiss every girl, don’t you?”


“Yeah but….”


“Don’t worry, I don’t think about that fake kiss as I….” I bite my lower lips. Looking at weak Minami.




Still bite my lips, I think I will say it to her right now. “Honestly, I am afraid you will not love me anymore after seeing that scene. I am afraid you will leave me, Minami.” After hearing I say such a thing, she then tries to get up and sit on the bed. I help her to do it. She then looks deep onto my eyes and reaches my hand. She holds it tightly.


“You know I won’t. Although that scene was really hurting me but I didn’t think I could live without your smile.”


“But you avoided me. I really wanted to explain everything to you at that time.”


“Oh, I am sorry. I was shocked.”


I sigh, “Who would not be. I am the one who should say sorry.”


“It’s okay. I feel bit relieve since it was just a fake.”


I smile to her and she does too. Her gentle smile makes my heart beating, by just seeing it I feel reborn, I feel life… Is it something that we call fall in love? Yea it should be, no doubt. So I guess, I have fallen for this person already. The desire of wanting to touch her is taking over me right now. I move closer to her as I can’t hold it, I just let it move by itself. Let my heart, my feeling takes control my body. I feel doubt at first, but that feeling was beaten by my strong feeling as I want her so much right now. Then her phone is vibrating that I have to stop and situation is going really awkward. She immediately reaches for her phone on the table in rush, and I can see her cheek is pinky. Cute. I watch her when she reads that email. I really want to know who it is from since she doesn’t write for any reply.


“Who is it from?” I ask her.


“Hm? Oh, nothing.” I can see she is hiding something so I decide to take her phone from her. “Aaa my phone.” She can’t take it back as I back her.


My eyes widen as I see the sender is Milky. Why does she know about Minami’s number? Did they just exchange yesterday? Then I open it and read the email, I feel so curious.


[i]Takamina senpai! Are you

alright? I heard from Sayaka

senpai you are sick. Hope

you will get better soon and

we can continue my private

practice! \(^o^)/


Milky ❤ [i]


What does that heart mean? This girl likes Minami? Moreover, private practice?? I can feel my head is spinning, blood coming up to my head. I turn back as I look at Minami. She just gives me a small smile.


“What is your relationship with her?” I ask Minami as I show her the message.


“We are just….not more than relationship between senior and junior. Please don’t get it wrong, Atsuko.”


“She wrote heart at the end of the sentence! And private practice? Why should it be a private?” I know I sound so scary right now. But I just don’t want she talks to Minami even acts to Minami like she is really that close to her. She is just new and how could she act like that to Minami? Asking for private practice?!


“You got it wrong Atsuko. Our relationship is not like what you think.”


“Yesterday I saw you so close to her, she even liked it. I can see it when she looked at you, she blushed. She probably likes you!” I turn my face away. I want Minami to firmly tell her that she has someone she likes, although I know its impossible thing, but at least do something to prevent she falls for you! Busy with my anger, a couple hands is wrapping around my waist. Hug it so tight. I can feel she rests her chin on my shoulder and I can feel her hot breathe on my neck.


“Do you forget what I just told you before? Trust me.”she kisses my neck and rubs her cheek against it. “No way I can fall for somebody else. It’s only you who are on my eyes.”she then moves her hand and now is around my neck. “Should I say it once again?” she whispers to my ears. I keep quite as I am busy to manage my heart beat. It feels like jump over from its place. “I love you and it doesn’t change from first time I confessed to you. It’s even more.” A smile forms on my face. I turn back to face her as I hold both of her hands.


“Thanks, I am happy to hear that.” A big smile is now forming on my face.


“So?” she asks.


“Ehm……soo??” I tease her as I know what she is waiting for.


“Ouh, never mind.”she chuckles. Silly. Just tell me you want to hear that from me, and I will say it for you. But I think its not easy for me to just say it, I prefer an action to do beside saying words.


I grab her jacket as I plant a short kiss on her lips. I can see she is blushing and I really enjoy it.


“Understand it now?” she nods nervously.


I kiss her again and this time is longer one. The kiss I give her first is one sided not long until I can feel her soft lips move as she replies my kiss. I smile during it as I am so happy. She puts her hands on my wrist and mine put on her shoulder. We really enjoy the kiss as we can feel each other desire how much we want to kiss and touch. I push her slowly and as I keep kissing her gently. As I have a big desire so that I don’t want to break the kiss, but I know this small girl can’t hold it as she can’t breathe. Laughing so hard inside myself, I let her to catch some air as I break the kiss. We are staring to each other, both of us are breathing heavily and we really enjoy the sensation of it.


“It’s bad you are sick right now.”I say as I play with her hair, twirling it.




I show her an evil smirk, “I want to touch you more, but not in this condition.”


“Owh… Hehe….”


I rest my head on her chest, “The first time I kiss you, still can’t feel satisfy. I want to touch every part of your body.” I play my hand the jacket zipper as once I reach her finger and play with it. “I will take good care of you tonight. I will sleep over.”


“Is it okay?”


“Yes. You are sick after all.”


“Hmm… really thank you, Atsuko. I am so happy.” I kiss her cheek and make her blush again.


“You have to promise me one thing.”


“What is it?”


“Promise me first!”


“Okay, I promise.”


“When you get better, let’s do something more than a kiss!” I say as a giant grin appears on my face.


“Eh? More than a kiss?” This girl is really slow!


“Yes, Minami. Its like some couples mostly do.” She keeps thinking I bet she doesn’t get what I mean. She then connects about it as she shows her usual expression.


“Eh?? That thing?! How could we….”


“Sstt!! You promised me! I will be mad if you break it!”


“But…but….that is…impossible.”


“Nothing is impossible if we mean it. I can’t wait until you recover.” I rub my nose on hers. I can see clearly her face is turning pale, as if it says, ‘Oh My God’




Today is the event. The first is NMB48 performance. They sing their new single, debut single, and so on. AKB48 appears in the middle of show and we perform KazeFu. It feels so great whenever I stand on the stage with so many fans surround and scream our names. I am motivated by them. I’d like to be better everyday and always give the best for fans. That’s why I love being part of AKB48 families. Also there is a person whom I love very much and that is also encouraging me. After giving some words, AKB48 session has ended and next is NMB48 turn. We will appear again to sing some songs. I lean on the wall on the back stage as I am waiting for her. I smile as I see her come closer to me and give me water.


“Thanks.” I say as I take it from her.


“How is it?”


“Yea I love the crowd. It’s giving me much energy by just hearing their screams.”


“Me too. If its not because of them we won’t be here. Fans are really treasure to me.”


“How about me?” I say as I pout to her.


“Of course you too. But you are too precious and nobody can replace you in my heart.”


“So sweet Minami!!” I smile and I hug her so tight. God, I really love this girl. After few seconds, I release it. “Remember, after this show we’ve got to do something more important.” I smirk. I make her blush at this time as she scratches her head.


“My apartment is good place though.” I chuckle.


“Mou Atsuko!! Sssttt!! Not here!!”


“Okay, okay I understand. I just want to tease you, my little prince.” I say as I kiss her soft lips.




“Yes. You are good looking and you suppose to be the man here.”


“Eh??!! I am girl! That is unfair!” she pouts.


“Haha….. Minami you are so cute~” I pinch her red cheek and kiss it shortly. “But I love my little prince.” She looks down and she is blushing once more.


“Hey prince. Let’s do something more than a kiss, shall we?” I smirk.


“Atsuko, stop it!”





2 thoughts on “Unrevealed Feeling

    1. thanks a lot for reading my fic :>
      I can’t frequently update my fic hehe I am not a person who has a lot of things to write down on a paper 😛

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